The Non Catholic

Budget Cuts

2009-02-05T19:34:00.002-06:00

I think everyone is discussing this topic now. This topic is even more pressing at the private school level. We already know we're losing a number of our students next year and that means a huge freak out about the money situation. I think I've already mentioned staff cuts are being bandied about, which is fine and understandable--you lose students and it makes sense to lose teachers.

However.

I have an issue with the possibilities with this "staff reduction." I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, our small staff is riddled with laziness and incompetence. And I have a pretty good idea these wont be the people who are reduced. And, that fact makes me mad. To know there's an English teacher who merely has his students read in class while he hands them notes he printed off line. Or the history teacher who boasts that he has never written a lesson plan. The teacher who never seems to be in his classroom and tells students they are ignorant shits. And good people who try every day--their jobs are the ones in danger.

We'll see what happens.

Free

2009-02-04T18:05:00.004-06:00

There is one particularly abrasive teacher that I didn't have to deal with much last semester but seem to run into at every turn this semester. She is rude, she is harsh, she is a complainer, and she is a know-it-all. A lot of things I can't stand in a person.

But, the capper really was this.

Last week at lunch someone had brought in some macaroni and cheese for people to eat if they chose. FREE OPTIONAL FOOD. And do you know what this woman did? She bitched the ENTIRE lunch period about how the cheese was inferior and she wouldn't ever eat that stuff. Why would he bring in something like this with CHEAP cheese? Just on and on and on. And I just kept thinking that no one is FORCING her to eat it and no on is even ASKING her to eat it and the poor guy was just trying to be NICE. And yet she yammered on and on.

What is wrong with people?

Speech

2009-01-20T21:01:00.002-06:00

I wish I was teaching speech again this year after listening to Barack Obama's inaugural address.

Budget Cuts

2009-01-17T09:00:00.002-06:00

The "reality" of the situation, as our school says, is the economy is bad. Yes, we get it. But, at a meeting last week, budget cuts were discussed including cutting/freezing teacher's salaries (of course, this was not said in so many words, instead hinted at and suggested in a 30 minute speech about our "reality").

I work in a private school that barely pays its teachers above the poverty line. Cuts would put us below. Freeze would keep us teetering on the edge. Each year we're supposed to move up in pay by some measly little sum. In the end, 20 years in private school is equitable to half of what you could be making in public school in 1/2 that time.

But, I am lucky enough to be married and we are lucky enough to make a decent living between the two of us.

However.

I don't know if I can feel comfortable staying knowing that one of the first moves they think about for budget cuts is to think about cutting back an already dismal salary. I love my school and some of the people I work with. I love that I have a say in what I teach and the curriculum and so many things. But, I know a lot of people who aren't coming back next year simply because of money. I promised myself two years, but... I can't help but think when you already pay pennies, teacher's salaries are the absolute LAST thing you should mess with.

Maybe I'm wrong in this economy. Maybe I should just be happy to have a job. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

This post contains swearing... A lot of swearing

2009-01-13T15:49:00.002-06:00

While I am sitting here reading all these rational posts about helping students, about reading in the classroom, about education in a research driven way--smart, intelligent, worthy, and important pieces of information and reflection, all I can think about in terms of education is what I wish I could say to my students. And by "say" I mean "scream" and by "wish" I mean "say in my head"

They're draining me. They're de-motivating me. They're getting the best of me. They're irritating me. They're sucking the very life at me. And honestly? I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up.

Inequality

2009-01-08T17:01:00.002-06:00

At my school, I have begun to notice a pattern. Where it stems from, if it's symptomatic of private school, if it's a unique situation--I don't know. All I know is this: the men on our staff are expected to do less and are not held to as high of standards as the female staff.

The men have less preps.

The men don't show up at meetings--and no one says a thing.

The men are called "forgetful" or "disorganized" while women who display this behavior are treated poorly--even if their personal circumstances cause those issues--personal circumstances that no one can control such as the sudden death of a family member.

At first I thought I was being oversensitive. Then I thought it was merely coaches. Then I realized that it is all the guys. One male English teacher has ONE prep, the other TWO. The rest of the female staff have THREE. I just can't help but there's some sort of inherent gender issue there. Either the men are too "forgetful" to handle it, or they are treated that way.

Then...

2009-01-07T06:37:00.003-06:00

Monday we went back. First hour and I snapped. The two week break did nothing to ease my frustration at their lack of effort, their lack of respect, and most of all their inability to SHUT UP once in a while. I may have forgotten about it for two weeks, but those first ten minutes brought it all rushing back so fast I could feel my head snap back.

So, as the girls discussed their schedules in voices that were just as loud as mine trying to explain directions, I lost it and said so. I said if I heard one more word about their schedule I would lose it even further. I said the break didn't rejuvenate me--it irritated me even more that they couldn't follow simple instructions. I said that we were going to focus on following simple directions since that was a skill they showed me they had yet to master.

Then we had a snow day yesterday, which honestly wasn't much of a help as I was planning on yesterday to get some things done.

Last night I had a dream that I was one of those kick ass teachers. They're tough, they're structured to a T, but they are respected and the students learn. Then, I woke up and realized I am just a moody teacher who loses her cool and can't seem to translate that into a teachable moment. And I'm not sure I'll ever cross that bridge kick ass.

Dedication

2009-01-04T09:13:00.003-06:00

Well, break is basically over as today will be spent planning the upcoming week. Luckily I can do that in my pajamas in front of the TV though.

And, let me put it plainly, I don't want to go back. I have no desire to return. I have no grand plans for second semester. I could happily stay in this house for who knows how much longer and not get the teaching itch.

Over break, I couldn't stand to think about it except in fleeting moments of "I don't wanna." I couldn't read any of the many teaching blogs I usually read about education. I didn't want to hear about it, think about it, deal with it.

If I skimmed an edu blog, people discussed that they went in to school over break or read articles or prepared. And, honestly, I couldn't understand how they could do it. I needed a clean break. I needed not to think about it or deal with it. And yet these people spent their break preparing themselves for the days to come, while I pretended like the inevitable did not exist.

I have to admit this made me question myself. I have a friend who spends at least 8 hours planning every Sunday, who routinely stays at school until dinnertime, who's lunch is full of lunch detentions, and who basically gives 95% of her life to teaching. I always thought she was an anomaly--the stereotypical spinster teacher.

But, I'm beginning to think I am. Maybe I am one of those bad teachers who doesn't care enough or put in enough work. Does it reflect in my teaching that I make time for my family, for my friends, for my TV viewing? Does it make me less dedicated to spend my two weeks ignoring what was to come and dreading the next five months of only 5 days off total?

I know I've heard it before, but I've never believed it, to be a good teacher do I have to give my whole life to the pursuit? I never thought so. But in the light of everyone else, I have to wonder... And if I am not giving enough, what's going to happen? Because I am not sure I can give any more. And if that does my students a disservice, should I really be here? And if the answer is no, then where should I be?

Goodies

2008-12-17T14:24:00.002-06:00

I have only graded about 1 1/2 of the 5 classes of finals I have, but the very first one I set out to grade gave me this little gem:

"Huck Finn is not a racist book because Mark Twain was African-American."

Woah.

A fellow English teacher said one of her students proclaimed on the final that Mark Twain wrote Catcher in the Rye.

Woah.

I suggested we fix the Wikipedia Entry for Mark Twain because it's obviously missing some info.

Reflecting on Semester #1

2008-12-15T17:01:00.002-06:00

I started this blog because I figured my first semester at a "real" school would prompt me to need release.

Now, as the semester winds to a close (including a lovely snow day today that keeps me out of reviewing for the final with one of my classes) I look back at the sparse amount of posting I've done on here.

The snow day allowed me to think about this, consider this phenomenon. I am a girl who seeks reflection and writing has always been my method of choice. I've always very much lived "inside my head." Thinking, reflecting, considering.

What I learned this year is teaching is not conducive to this lifestyle I was once used to.

First, reflection means I would have to come to terms with all the failure of this semester. Not just come to terms with it, but come to terms with it while I'm also pushing forward trying to keep going. Come to terms with it while trying to keep on top of paperwork and while dealing with meetings and extra curriculars--while dealing with teenage attitudes and faculty drama.

Even though it is my second year of teaching, it becomes increasingly, glaringly obvious that my job last year was cake. This year is a struggle--and while I have a great support group who are going through the same thing and help ease the frustration--to put reflection on top of it WHILE I'm doing it, just isn't feasible for me.

I'll regroup over Christmas break, reflect on Semester 1 and what worked and what didn't and hope that I can apply some lessons I've learned to second semester so that I CAN reflect WHILE I teach.

The Positives

2008-12-01T14:17:00.003-06:00

I can't express how much I enjoyed this Thanksgiving break. It was a much needed rest from everything. I feel like my head is back screwed on straight. The only problematic thing is this nasty stack of papers to grade. However, there is something positive to be said for having 70+ essays to grade

a) my house hasn't been this clean in... since we moved in?
b) almost all Christmas shopping is done
c) I have two holiday parties planned
d) all Christmas decorations are up and looking good

But, now, I have to get them graded today so students have the opportunity to rewrite before semester.

And, speaking of semester, there are only three shortened weeks left of the semester!

Favorite Question of the Year

2008-11-19T20:44:00.001-06:00

"Did Emily Dickinson write Moby Dick?"

The "B" Word

2008-11-09T09:45:00.002-06:00

Based on what I've been feeling, hearing, and reading, it really seems like a lot of teachers are reaching the dreaded "burnout."

Mine comes directly on the tails of reading 50 rough drafts--about 25 of which completely ignored the essay assignment. And, my first reaction is to blame myself... I apparently didn't explain it well enough. But, then I got to thinking...

1) I gave them a detailed explanation of the essay assignment, what was required of the rough draft, and the scoring guide.
2) I explained it verbally in class.
3) I gave an EXAMPLE essay that outlined the organization, thesis statement, and I mean... it's an EXAMPLE.
4) I made each student get their thesis statement approved by me--and explained to many of them that this was NOT a persuasive essay and their thesis should not show any bias.
5) I reminded them over and OVER again they need to read the requirements of the assignment before they turn it in.

So... what more could I have done?

And the total pointlessness of that question leaves me dreading the next week. In talking with other teachers, we're all seeing the same thing--a complete lack of work ethic, self responsibility, or respect. And right now, I don't know how to combat those things. And, I can't help but feel they're societal and our world is going to hell.

I know, I know, I just need to learn to adapt to a new species of learners, but it's hard when they refuse to learn.

I had a parent email me telling me what I need to do with her child. And, my first response is to explain what HER CHILD needs to do (you know, turn in work that's completed). But instead, I get to bite my tongue and nod my head. Sure, I'll do that. Let's not have HIM do anything.

What more can I do? I know I'm not the best teacher in the world. I know I probably suck. But, I try. I seek help from colleagues, research, psychology, but in the end I just don't know how to get through to a group of students who refuse to read, listen, or care--and I feel bad for that group that DOES care and is getting a 100% and probably not learning as much as they could because I'm constantly repeating directions, explaining disappointments, and just banging my head against a brick wall.

In the end, I need a break to reevaluate the course we're on, to figure out how on earth I'm going to reach these kids, and prioritize: what do they really need to know to move on to the next level?

Survival Mode

2008-10-30T18:38:00.000-05:00

I'm stuck in survival mode. I stopped reading blogs because I can't handle thought, reflection, trying to get better. At present, I can only enough to do what I HAVE to do.

I was planning to grade the knee-high stack of papers tonight, but I decided to try and jerk myself out of survival by doing something for myself: bake some Halloween goodies.

Lying

2008-10-15T13:50:00.003-05:00

If you're like me, or the other teachers at my school, you see lying in action every single day.

Teacher: Stop talking
Student: I wasn't talking!

Teacher: You copied your answers off of your neighbor.
Student: No I didn't!

Teacher: Where is your homework.
Student: My dog broke my flashdrive!

My first two are my favorite, because they are observable behaviors and I SEE it happen and students still deny it. It's frustrating. I always hear teachers ask themselves, do they think we're stupid? I tend to stop at 'do they think?'

I understand the impetus-- they don't want to get in trouble after all. But, what I don't understand is the lack of shame or remorse. The flat out lie and total disregard for consequences.

And then, last evening, I was sitting down to watch TV. Commercial after commercial came on--and lie after lie poured out. This car gets 30 mpg, this pill will make you skinny AND happy, this candidate voted this way or that way... and it's all lies, lies, lies, lies. And these lies are tossed out millions of times over and over.

So, is it any wonder kids lie? I don't mean to say that commercials cause kids to lie, merely that it is another symptom of our times. Politicians can bend and break the truth and the American public accepts it, believes it--if that's what they want to hear. The latest pharmaceuticals are touted on TV as the miracle cure for ALL your problems, and the American public goes to their doctor and asks about it--if that's what they want to happen.

I can't help but feel like so many of us are completely out of touch with reality, and we're letting our kids follow down a path where it doesn't matter what you say, as long as it's what people want to hear. A path where you don't have to think critically about the issues at hand, just find the one that sounds good. Aside from lying to my face, my kids couldn't recognize bias if it bit them on the nose.

If there is one thing I want to do as a teacher, it is to get my students to question what goes on around them... so many just accept what they're told, what they hear, what the see. Because questioning that is too hard. Even harder than writing in complete sentences!

DWG Canon

2008-10-11T22:45:00.002-05:00

I am not particularly happy with the slate of books I have to teach this year. Some are fantastic (Night) and some I believe every study should walk away from high school having read (The Great Gatsby), but overall they fall into the DWG category: Dead White Guy.

Thinking about this jogged my memory a bit back to when I was in high school and I distinctly remember one of my teachers talking about the DWG Canon and how she was trying to get away from it. Not that the DWG are bad, boring, or even unimportant, just that some diversity would be nice.

So, I looked at my student's list of novel reading and realized only ONE book they read their whole high school career does not fit into the DWG canon, and that is To Kill A Mockingbird which, is great, but hardly a testament to the diversity of literature out there. I made a list of the 32 novels/plays I remember reading as a high school student and though the list is dominated by DWGs, there was a obvious attempt to diversify the offerings--and not just because I was in honors/AP all four years.

When I looked back at my high school career and the books I enjoyed the most, some fall into the DWG category, but many come from FEMALE writers and minority writers. I realize I teach in a Catholic school and perhaps that accounts for a more traditional approach to literature, but to have one woman and no minority novelists or playwrights whatsoever is a travesty in the year 2008. Yes, the short stories and poetry might add some diveristy, but why not in our longer literature too?

I also realize I teach at a school without much diversity. Our minority population is miniscule, but I did not exactly go to a diverse high school myself. Though public with a voluntary transfer program, the majority of the students in my area and in my school were white. Even more reason for us to read diverse literature, to realize there is more to this world than our white, suburbian existence. My entire life I have lived without much diversity (even the college I went to was predominatly white), but I feel that reading the vast variety of experiences out there made me more aware, more tolerant, and less ignorant to the great wide world around me.

There is a plethora of amazing literature out there. Some of it resides within the DWG canon, some of it does not. It amazes me that more attention is not paid to who is writing the literature we teach, and what they can offer about life experiences that perhaps the DWGs cannot.

British Lit: Great Activity for Macbeth

2008-10-07T18:59:00.004-05:00

I've been struggling through Macbeth. I think I've finally found a stride with it, where we're not going through scene by scene. Instead of having them struggle through the reading, we're doing summaries and overviews and the occasional study of a monologue. My kids had a great discussion today on Macbeth and Lady Macbeth's relationship.

I got this activity from www.bard.org/images/educationimages/macbethguide.pdf
and it could likely be used at the end of the play, but I did it after Act II, and I think I will ask these questions again at the end and compare their answers.

Divide the class into boy and girl groups and have the groups prepare organized arguments on the following questions: Is the relationship between Lady Macbeth and Macbeth a
healthy one? Is Lady Macbeth helping Macbeth? Does Macbeth have weaknesses and does Lady
Macbeth help eliminate them? Do they make a good team as they work together? Who is stronger? Do they complement each other? Are they two halves of a whole? What attributes do you like in the couple? Would you find these attributes desirable in a boyfriend or girlfriend?

My class really responded to these questions, and while with most of the questions both male and females agreed, there definitely were some gender differences that were interesting to see.

Some questions I added to this were:

Are Macbeth or Lady Macbeth "crazy"?
Does Lady Macbeth have a conscience?
Would Macbeth go through with the murder if not for Lady Macbeth?

It really worked today, although discussion got a little out of hand. I think next time we'll try fishbowl or some other kind of structured discussion.

More Musings on Why Teachers Quit

2008-10-06T20:41:00.002-05:00

I already discussed failure as being a big motivator in first year teachers quitting. I also touched a little on too much work being put on new teachers and I would like to expand on that a little bit today.

You see, at my school, (supposedly) every teacher is required to sponsor or coach a team or club (supposedly because I think I know a few who don't seem to have to follow that "rule"). New teachers come in to the mix with whatever is left over (unless they can coach a sport). New teachers who weren't coaching were given a list a couple weeks into school and asked to pick one. I picked one and then was told that, instead, I would be put in charge of a school event along with another new teacher. A school event in which I had no interest, background, or ability.

This event quickly became a source of increasing difficulty, stress, contention, and just downright awfulness. On top of my already difficult 3 preps, 2nd job, and extra supervisory duties, I now had this albatross on my shoulders--an albatross I was supposed to create in just about 4 weeks--at the beginning of our FIRST school year.

It was an event no one wanted a part of--but everyone wanted to complain about how it wasn't being done "correctly."

At the event itself, me and my co-sponsor sat watching the kids wondering if this was really what we wanted to do. We questioned our desire to be teachers, our desire to be in a high school, our abilities to handle all that was expected of us. We were overwhelmed, disgusted with the lack of help we were given, frustrated with our kids, and all in all disillusioned--our previous rose-colored look at our school and the people in it gone.

I think that if this event was in say April, not October, things would have been different. I think that if people had let US do it, rather than complain every step of the way things would have been different. I think if they had forced one veteran teacher to help a new teacher, things would have been WAY different.

I realize that people earn a certain amount of seniority, and I also realize when I have a certain amount of years under my belt I will want to be able to choose what I want to do. But, I also think that it is unfair to stick a new teacher in charge of something they know NOTHING about, that happens at the beginning of the year especially. To dump on new teachers simply because they have no say in the matter.

It's one thing to get last pick in when I will supervise detention--it's a whole other thing to be put in charge of a school wide event.

Another teacher realized this and stepped up and helped us out when she realized we were drowning and gathered a few people to help us out, but the people in power looked the other way, made it increasingly difficult on us, and ignored the fact that I was so far out of my element.

So, what did this experience do? It made us both question our careers. It made us both look at our administration differently. It made us both look at our students differently. It overwhelmed and frustrated us. It made my co-sponsor want nothing to do with an event she was excited about (I was never excited, so my dislike of the event was a pre-existing condition).

It's over now, and already I feel more in control, more hopeful about what I can accomplish now that it's over. Still, the whole ordeal left a bad taste in my mouth.

You want to get a new teacher to stick to their profession, you ease them into it. Less preps, less supervising duties. Give them a chance to ease into it, to focus on their teaching the first year and add duties as they step up the ladder.

On a happy note, I had a student from last year send me an email this weekend thanking me. She said what she learned in my class has helped her already in college. I needed that this weekend. I needed a reminder that they learn even when I think they don't. I needed a reminder that what I do and teach is important.

Back To Frustration

2008-10-01T17:40:00.002-05:00

Last week was a pretty decent week. This week has taken a turn back to severe frustration. I'm frustrated with with some supervisory duties that were thrust upon me that have taken a large chunk out of my planning/grading time. Not to mention that the quarter is ending in two weeks and I am trying to light a fire under some of these students and have a feeling I am going to be the one that ends up getting burned.

I am frustrated with my students and their attitudes, their lack of manners, their lack of respect, their total apathy, and the belief that real work is beneath them or not important--the belief that I should spoon feed them everything. I really honestly feel like it is this bunch of kids too, because I did not feel this every single day at my last job. Some days, yes, but here it is EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't know how to change attitude and entitlement.

I am frustrated with myself. I don't like how I am teaching and I don't know how to change it. I can't trust my students to do group work, but independent work takes different time for different people. I cannot find a balance between that spoon feeding and that learning--basically the balance one needs to actually TEACH. I can't keep up. I can't do more. I can't encourage or inspire. I am a joke, and I know it.

I am upset, stressed, frustrated. The worst part is I know a simple break would do a world of good, would allow me to catch up on planning and get my mind wrapped around what I want to teach, but that's just not going to happen until Thanksgiving.

I hate feeling ineffective and stupid and weak and useless and pointless. I hate being so disgusted by my students I struggle to see the good in them. I hate feeling this mounting panic and I hate knowing that I just don't have the time to fix it.

Positives

2008-09-26T17:02:00.002-05:00

There is much I could complain about. And, in fact, there is much I did complain about today. But I did it with a margarita and in the company of a few other teachers in the same boat. And what I am impressed with every single day is, no matter how awful the work and kids are, I am so lucky to be surrounded by a great group of people. There are a few naysayers and nitpickers and complainers, but overall the people I see every single day are awesome.

I think that makes all the difference in making this very difficult, frustrating experience bearable.

Why New Teachers Quit

2008-09-21T13:06:00.003-05:00

Throughout my education coursework, I heard many a time how a significant number of teachers quit before they reach the three year mark. Causes are always cited as money, lack of resources, poor administration, and even the fact that the majority of teachers are women who might be quitting due to pregnancy. However, in all these plethora of reasons, I never heard the one that I think is the most significant: failure.

I want to be a teacher. I want to be a good teacher. And, the only way to improve, is with time, experience, and more time. So, right now, I am a crappy, crappy teacher. Day after day I face my class with the knowledge that I SUCK at this. And even when I manage to psych myself up into feeling excitement--I am always disappointed in some way. In my first real year, nothing has gone in a way that is satisfying. Because I don't just want to teach, I want to teach WELL. And I can't seem to grasp how to do that yet. Sure, with time and thought and reflection I will improve, but in the meantime, I start each day knowing I am some kind of failure.

And failure is a hard obstacle to overcome, because it beats you down, it exhausts you, it makes you feel worthless and hopeless. All that energy you need to create, engage, and impart wisdom becomes increasingly difficult to muster. All that time and energy you need to regroup, reassess, and even just relax is drained by trying to figure out just how not to FAIL. How to just get through the day.

I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks that I have prayed to God to just get me through the day. That's all the hope I can muster. Get through the day. It's my mantra: get through the day.

You can throw more money at first year teachers. You can give them a positive environment. You can give them all the technology in the world, but it doesn't erase the soul crushing failure day after day. And, in my humble opinion, that is why so may teachers quit before the three year mark. And, in my humble opinion, nothing can change that (except possibly to lighten a new teacher's load, and ease them into teaching full time).

So, it becomes a waiting game for me, at this point. Can I make it long enough to start feeling the exhilaration of success? Or will failure break me down and force me out to try my hand at something else.

New Mantra

2008-09-14T20:06:00.000-05:00

I cannot change my students. I can only change my reaction to them.

Pointless Battles

2008-09-03T21:22:00.002-05:00

There are many things I know I need to work on in my teaching method, style, and preparation. There are many things I don't know. Three weeks into my second year of teaching, I have so much to learn. I need to be more creative, I need to reach out to students more, I need to set clear parameters without being bitchy, I need to focus, streamline, and think. Yes, there are so many ways I need to improve.

Yet, one of my biggest frustrations so far is not my lack of skill (though that is frustrating), not the amount of supervisory and extra jobs that fall onto my plate, not even my students who can't shut their yaps... it's pointless battles.

Homeroom is a pointless battle. Channel One is a pointless battle. Tucking in shirts, not eating candy in class, and not sleeping during class/study hall is a pointless battle. These are battles I don't want to fight. These are battles that lead nowhere and mean nothing.

I understand the reasoning behind all of these, yes. And, yes, in a perfect world students would listen to Channel One and follow dress code and be awake and engaged. But, they don't. And a teacher can yell, threaten, and bully--but in the end, for what? Trying to keep a bunch of 17 year olds quiet for 20 minutes of announcements is silly. ESPECIALLY, when those announcements are repeated throughout the day. What reason do they have to be quiet? And yet, I am expected to keep them quiet. I am expected to reign them in. I am expected to have control simply because I am the teacher. In today's world, that simply doesn't always translate.

Perhaps in time I will learn how to manage control. How to fight these useless battles. How to balance power struggles. Right now, they never cease to frustrate, to undermine excitement, and to leave me feeling tired, cranky, and unsure of what I'm doing.

Late Work and Zeros

2008-08-31T23:01:00.002-05:00

This post got me thinking about my late policy again. Most teachers in my building think my late policy is naive and won't work, while my boss thinks it's great. I guess I won't really know which it is until the end of the quarter, but for right now and after reading Dr. Pezz's post I am again feeling better about it.

My late policy is this: Students may turn in late work up to a week before the quarter ends (though no late work will get an A).

Teachers seem to think I will get an avalanche of work at the end of the quarter, and maybe I will, but as I told the parents at parent night the other day, I want the students to do the work. I don't want them to know they will get a zero two days later and give up on it. If it's an assignment, it means it's practicing an important skill and showing me their skill level. I want them to do the work on time, yes, but I don't want them giving up on it because they are forgetful, uninterested, busy, lazy, etc. I expect all work to be done. If it happens to not come in until October, well it certainly won't be an A, but they'll have done something and possibly even (perhaps I am naive) retain something.

I told my students I shouldn't see any zeros in October. I know this is probably not going to be the case, but I gave them the chance. And if they don't take it, they get the zero.

However, the zero is still a piece of contention, one I am not comfortable with giving or not giving (unless cheating is involved). It can hurt hugely, but hasn't the student made that decision for him/herself?

I always figured I'd be a hard-nosed, traditional teacher--because I was the type of student that did as I was told and always turned in my work and did well on tests and so on, but I find myself agreeing more and more with progressive thinking--thinking that (in my opinion) puts the student's needs first.

British Literature

2008-08-29T20:24:00.002-05:00

My main struggle with material right now is with British Literature. First of all, it is not my expertise. Second of all, I really - really don't know what to do with this early British stuff.

I've searched the web and not liked my results. Next week, I am thinking about working with an Arthur story and/or Letters of Margaret Paston, but as I sit here on a Friday night trying to get my work out of the way, I don't know what to do with these last pieces of this unit.

Each week, this class is my struggle. All the while wishing I could teach Night all year long.

Good Day

2008-08-26T21:14:00.003-05:00

The days of a new teacher--whether new to the profession or new to the school--are a bit of a roller coaster as you work through trying to figure everything out.

Today was a bit of a zip up. My past two days have fared much better than the first week. I think it's a mix of getting into the material, setting clearer rules, and just trying to come at this from a new perspective a la If Bees Are Few.

I also found that my usual resistance to asking for help wasn't even present today. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the English department at my school is really great as a whole, along with a majority of the faculty. There's only a small faction that seems to frown upon helping people. So, everyone is asking for help and ideas and sharing. It's very new to me, but I'm falling right into it and that collaboration brightens my mood.

Also, I had a class actually ASK QUESTIONS today. They wanted to know something! If that doesn't make for a teacher's high, I don't know what does.

I'm still struggling with a lot of things. One of the biggest things is building excitement over books and stories I just really don't care for. I thought I could do it, and I think I put up a good facade, but it's so much more fun and interesting when working with a piece of literature I feel good about. I think as I get through my first year I'll be able to weed out some of the less than stellar examples, but right now I'm still muddling and weeding through the literature and trying to work ways to make it accessible and important.

The Ideal, It Doesn't Exist

2008-08-25T18:19:00.002-05:00

This summer I was inspired by a class I took. Inspired to look at my classroom management in a new, softer light. Inspired to trust my students would respect the word respect and expectations.

I'm sorry. I tried. It doesn't work. Maybe a teacher with a bigger presence. Maybe a teacher who has the material down so pat they can do it all with out notes or pauses. Maybe a teacher that looks mean and nasty.

My juniors and seniors couldn't handle "respect" as a guiding principle. Perhaps respect is a foreign concept. Perhaps learning is. Whatever it is, it just didn't work.

So, today we got down to business. These are the rules, and this is what happens when you can't follow them. No 'I expect you to respect yourself, each other, blah, blah, blah.' I'm sorry, you'll have to put me down as a non-believer.

In the long list of things I'll already change about next year--this is one. There will be set, specific rules. And there will be set specific consequences with a clear plan of action on the first day of school.

To those who find they don't need rules, I think that is truly amazing. I envy you that kind of unspoken structure. For me, it does not exist. It must be spoken, written, and communicated through every possibly participant in the class.

I have been told lately there is an art to teaching paired with the science, and I am a firm believer in that. And part of that art is figuring out who you are as a teacher and what your personal style is. I don't believe there is a one-style-fits all.

Weekend: Getting It Together

2008-08-23T09:05:00.004-05:00

After my last post, I got down to business about figuring out what to do with my disruptive students. The fact of the matter is that last year if I gave my students a talking-to, they listened for the rest of the class period. This class was quiet for all of ten minutes. So, I worked out a plan that evolved from a Harry Wong idea into something that would work in my classroom--involving "yellow cards" as warnings and a clear chain of consequence from one disruption to the next.

I refuse to yell "quiet" every five minutes.

However, there is also the issue of getting kids to shut up during Channel One and during announcements. That I am not so much sure about.

I was discussing my troubles with a good friend who is a fourth year teacher. We are very different in our personalities and teaching styles, but we often have the same frustrations (as I suppose most teachers do). We both discussed that, really, the first year teaching a new class is all about getting it together. It's about figuring it all out, the details and the nuance, and when you throw a new school into the mix--you're treading water for most of the first year. The first year you figure it all out, she said. The second year, you teach.

And I agree. I just can't foresee myself being an excellent teacher this year. Not that I'll be terrible, just that really I'll be getting it together and that's a huge and overwhelming task. I'll look back on this year and wish I had done 9 million things differently, but I will have learned from each and apply it to next year.

I've come to the conclusion, that in order to survive this year-- I need to have my sights set on next year. I need to remind myself that all this work will pay off, all this confusion and treading water and struggle will reward itself with a better run classroom and a better idea of teaching next year. This is a hard thing for me to do because I have never stayed at one job for more than a year. It seems unnatural to know I will be in the same place next year.

But that will be my saving grace: a place to return to and improve upon myself.

Is It Too Early To Give Up?

2008-08-21T18:19:00.002-05:00

My first week hasn't been what I expected. I'm not sure what I expected, but this isn't it. I'm struggling--in a new way each day.

I thought coming in with a year under my belt would help me. This is so different from what I did last year that it hasn't.

I thought I might have one or two problem students, I have a plethora.

I thought I would be in control of my classroom. It's a power struggle and I am losing.

I thought I would avoid major embarrassment. I left my fly down.

Also, my house is a disaster.

I know that this is part of the journey. I know I'm on my way to figuring this group out. I know that I will improve with experience and knowledge and I know I CAN do all of those things. It's just increasingly difficult in the meantime.

Jumble

2008-08-18T14:04:00.004-05:00

As I bemoaned the upcoming school year and going back to work, my father told me, "it's the first day of the rest of your life."

That popped into my head today as I travelled home from school, weary, head-achey and overwhelmed.

What on Earth did I do???

It's not that I had a bad day. In fact, as days go, it was uneventful. I was wholly unprepared, not being used to such short passing periods and teaching a different class after each short passing period. I never once felt truly in control of the classroom situation. Things weren't wild by any means, but I felt like it was a first day courtesy.

I feel, all over again, like I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I never will.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really cut out for this.

And this is all with nothing bad happening. I shudder to think of my response to truly awful day.

I missed my old classroom today. It was easy and familiar. I'm tired of being the new kid on the block. I'm tired of feeling young (and being mistaken for a student).

Not an auspicious start, but I am determined to stick it through. I just may need to give up my caffeine ban to survive.

The Next Few Days

2008-08-13T20:23:00.004-05:00

Overwhelmed, in a lot of ways, my brain still finds time to wander--but never go blank. When it wanders, it practices my first day speech over and over and over again.

I have a feeling this will be par for the course the next few days. Mental dialog, internal practicing, all gearing up for the first day of classes.

All the while completely ignoring the fact I've let the house go to hell over the past two weeks.

Unit Issues

2008-08-11T18:10:00.004-05:00

I finally got my syllabi completed and sent off for approval, so now I am working on my lesson plans. I'm really struggling on how to organize "units."

Traditionally, I would just consider the reading itself a unit, but I've come to realize the reading or literature, while part of the unit, is also only a means to an end. It's used to teach about theme or figurative language or so on and so forth.

But, I just don't know how to approach it. What to consider a unit, how to order it, and so on and so forth. I'm going to meet with some other teachers in the next few days who are also teaching the classes I am, so I know I'll get at least some guidance, but I am curious.

If you've taught a general lit class (World, American, British, so on), did you just go chronologically through the reading and teach whatever the reading reflected, or did you take a more specific skills driven approach?

Brain Overload

2008-08-07T13:40:00.002-05:00

Our week of training has come to a close, and my brain could not be more thankful. It's on information overload. My mind is abuzz with all the things I'll need to keep track of, all the activities and meetings I'll need to attend/be involved in, and the fact that I've got a life to lead outside all of it.

I'm overwhelmed, yes. However, on the flip side, I like what I saw this week. I felt the administration and staff are in this for the kids. They really want to see them learn. And it seems that being in the private sector allows them to do that with a little bit more efficiency. Not that it's perfect by any means, but there's a genuine desire to do good--not just scrape by. I didn't see that as much in the public school I was in last year.

Still, I know there's going to be a lot of adjustment, and a lot I won't like. But, I think the people around will be willing to help and advise.

I actually think the thing I am most worried about is simply understanding the Catholic side of things. Should I cross myself even though we don't do that in my religion? Do I need to memorize the prayers? What exactly IS mass and what does it entail? And I think I worry most about this because while there are a handful of new teachers, they're all catholic and familiar with the structure of the religious side of things. I think it's assumed, in a way, that we know what we're doing when it comes to that. And, one of my flaws that I always need to work on is asking for help.

It's definitely going to be a difficult and stressful year, but I also feel like it will be positive and that I will learn a lot.

The Difference A Book Makes

2008-08-03T09:13:00.002-05:00

Friday as I begin to get those jitters and nerves running through me, I sat down with the textbooks and novels I'll be teaching. It's an overwhelming amount, but I have come to realize that if you jump in little piece by little piece it becomes manageable.

The first novel I'll be teaching is Night. I have never read this--and yes, I know this is a travesty. I figured, I'll start with the first chapter, take some notes, jot down some lesson ideas, then move to the first reading in the next class and piece by piece start this daunting task. As I opened the book, I started with the prologue instead of the first chapter.

As I read, my excitement that had been dimmed by intimidation began to sparkle again. Here are the notes I took on Night's prologue:

-"Why we write"
-Language as a barrier
-known vs. understood
-written vs. edited (connect to writing)
-"Books no longer have the power they once did."
-What is "collective memory"?

Sometimes, I get so bogged down in the "teaching" of things, that I forget what drew me to this career. I've been coached to say that I want to be a teacher to help students learn and grow. And, I do. But I want my students to learn and grow in the realm of the English language. I want them to read literature--whether old or new--and learn things about life and expression. I want them to be armored with the skills to express themselves, defend their beliefs, and for God's sake HAVE some beliefs. I want them to have a collective memory of the literature that shapes the world. I want to bring some of that power back to books, and I want my students to see that power.

Just this one little prologue reminded me of that, because Wiesel discusses all of those things in his prologue: believing in something; writing as communication and even somewhat as therapy, as testimony, as tribute, as truth; he discusses the writing process and the decision of what to keep and what to toss by the wayside. And in the end, he accesses the very heart of why books matter and need to continue to matter.

Sometimes when bogged down in teaching mode, I forget how much literature means to me, how much it's shaped me, how much I love it. I don't expect all of my students to love it in the way I do, but I truly believe that words are powerful--even in today's society. I want my students to walk away from my classroom and see that truth.

And that, that is what gets me excited about this year all over again.

The Difference A Week Makes

2008-08-01T22:24:00.002-05:00

Let's compare/contrast, shall we?

Last Week
-Excited about upcoming school year
-Ready to be on a normal schedule
-Excited about all the new challenges
-Excited to delve into the reading, plan, and try my best!

This Week
-Freaking out about upcoming school year
-Enjoying staying up late and sleeping in sans alarm
-Intimidated by all the new challenges
-Overwhelmed by the reading and planning

Where's the change? Last week, it still seemed far off and unreal and intangible. I was still in denial about having to plan and work. This week was my last week before training starts--so I'm actually having to work on my syllabus and plan out the semester in general. I'm elbows deep in the material and starting to doubt my abilities to do this.

Though it will be my second year of teaching, my first year was so unorthodox and unique I can't help like this is first year part two. Plus, I am prepping three different classes instead of two and having to sponsor a yet-to-be-named club of some kind.

I think next week once I get into meeting people and working with other English teachers I will once again be excited and inspired, but right now I've got the pre-school year jitters.

It's "For My Students"

2008-07-30T08:55:00.004-05:00

My younger sister is a teacher on the east coast. She's home for the summer, and we've gone shopping a few times together. She has been on the hunt for pillows for her classroom--she is required to have a "homey" classroom.

Her complaint was that by the end of the year her pillows are dirty--so she was debating pillow covers and outdoor pillows (which she said wouldn't be comfortable enough, what?).

At the end of this one-person discussion, she says, "I spend so much money on my kids."

And, I had to pause at this. I kept my mouth shut, but I wondered... is it really for the students? Do those pillows increase achievement, concentration, learning? Do people that pour money into their own classrooms really do it for their kids or do they do it for themselves and for their administration?

I had a professor once who said every thing we do should be for our students, and while I understand where she was coming from, I hesitate to agree that every single thing should be in the name of our students. I think teacher's need to exercise a little bit of self-perseverance and sometimes that means not grading papers one day or taking a breather from a difficult situation or something else that may be for "you" that may not be FOR your students. Certainly we should try to avoid doing something that is a detriment to our students, but they should not and can not be the only thing we work towards. At least, I am not selfless enough to live like that.

But, I think her point down at the heart of it was more geared toward this very instance. I think sometimes we assume something is good for our students when it's really what's best for us. One of the things I'm really trying to focus on as I plan my classroom isn't what's going to "work" or how can I keep students from flapping their gums all the time--but how can I best help them learn. When I say, "it's for my students," I want it to really be for them.

And if it's for me, I'll admit it and say, that's okay too.

Status Quo

2008-07-26T20:06:00.002-05:00

I am not a revolutionary. I tend to follow the status quo. I do not question authority or the way things are unless they really stand out as being bizarre. However, the last class I took this summer for my Masters made me change that way of thinking about teaching. The professor asked us to question what we were doing and make sure it was for the good of the student--not just because that's the way things had been or that's what other people did.

In a lot of ways, it put me out of my comfort zones. In a lot of ways, I didn't agree with what she was questioning. But, also in a lot of ways, I found things that didn't make sense, that I should change, and that I should question.

In my class we never discussed grading. Homework and failing and discipline, yes, but never grading. So, I found this post by Ms. Teacher extremely interesting. I know so many of my students last year who would have said "JUST GIVE ME THE ZERO." And I totally agree with Dr. Reeves that giving up is not the answer we should be teaching our students.

On the other hand, I wonder how we make them do the work. Yes, sometimes students are just busy and can't get the work done in the time allotted, sometimes they don't understand the work--but sometimes they just don't want to do it. My question is HOW do we make them do the work? Sure, I can give them all year to do it--but if they don't want to--are they going to?

It's questions like this that make me uneasy--because it gets caught up with all these other questions I don't have answers for. And it leaves me in that position of feeling like there is NO answer.

And maybe there isn't, but I don't want a zero in life... so I just keep plugging along.

Active Church Member

2008-07-23T21:58:00.002-05:00

One of the pieces of being a Catholic school teacher that I am having difficulties with is the being an "active member of my church." This is difficult for a number of reasons, the two biggest being I have never attended church regularly and I have some misgivings about organized religion.

My issue here is not with the faith itself, it's with when faith becomes something else: political and monetary. And that's where my stand on church gets a little uncomfortable. I believe that religion is a personal choice, and I believe it should be worshiped in a personal manner. I don't feel I should have to prove my faith to anyone but God. Sometimes, church becomes more about who is doing more, giving more, praying more and less about thoughtful worship.

It's not that I have anything against church. I think it can be a great social tool--getting to know others that share your faith. And, it can be a great learning tool to discuss your faith and to pray with others. It makes you part of a community and in that way, it's wonderful.

But, at times, it can also divide. It can also become about money and power. It can also mean a mere mortal man thinking he can dictate to a group what to feel and believe about any manner of thing.

And for me, someone not very comfortable in group social situations, someone who prefers to be more private in terms of emotional things such as faith and love, being an active member in a church isn't something that I feel is necessary. It doesn't fit me, and it doesn't fit my relationship with God. And, even in a parochial school setting, I think that should be okay.

So, as the school year sits in the not-so-distant future, one of my biggest fears is that I will be quizzed on what church I go to.

I don't go to church, but I still believe my faith to be strong and my ability to teach unmarred by this.

Julius Caesar

2008-07-06T23:34:00.001-05:00

When I was in 10th grade Honors Language Arts, I had a great teacher who made so much of what we did interesting, fun, and important. One unit, however, stood out as possibly the most boring and tortuous unit of my high school career: Julius Caesar.

The first issue with this unit was that it was taught by a student teacher. She was the type of student teacher who continues to be the type of teacher that is young and pretty and everyone’s friend. I’m not sure she’s the type of teacher you learn a lot from. However, I cut her some slack because she was a student teacher and while there are some good student teachers our there, no student teacher is a good teacher in my experience (including myself).

The second issue with this unit was the text itself. I like some Shakespeare, but Caesar was incredibly boring to me. This was not an issue of comprehension—I was in an honors class, I scored at a college reading level, and I had some fairly strong Shakespeare background. I’m not big on Roman history, but I’d always been interested in history and liked older texts—so there wasn’t an issue there either. The whole unit was just boring. I dreaded going to class every day. Because, what did we do? We read aloud… the end.

When I found out I had to teach Caesar this year I was upset. How could I do this to my students? I didn’t want to bore them to death, I wanted them to come to a literature class with a sense it would help them—not with the dread I felt those Caesar weeks.

My youngest sister just completed her sophomore year of high school. She was also in an honors class and she also had to read Caesar. When I said it was the most awful, boring weeks of my life and I was so disappointed I had to teach it to my students, she looked at me funny and said, “I liked it.”

My sister, though in honors, does not like to read. She hates books. She is a product of the computer age through and through—where I used to bury myself in books when I was her age. To hear she enjoyed something that involved reading was kind of a shock.

So, I had to ask—why did she like it? What did they do in class that made it interesting? Thankfully, we were on a four ride car trip together and she couldn’t run away.

She said they read it out loud, but they acted out important scenes. She said the student in the class that no one liked was Caesar, so the stabbing scene was so much fun. She said they dressed up in togas (sheets over their clothes) and had swords (plastic, she assured me).

Her advice to me was togas, acting, and pick a kid no one likes to be Caesar.

That sounds great, and I think I will try to approach it that way, but I have my doubts if it is enough. The last thing I want to do is waste my student’s time. So, I’m asking for your help: How do you make Julius Caesar interesting?

Welcome

2008-07-06T10:45:00.002-05:00

As I have been planning for my second year of teaching, but my first year of teaching at a Catholic school, I have been looking to education blogs for help. I noticed that there are very few Catholic Education blogs that I could find, and even less blogs about those who are not Catholic teaching in the Catholic school system.

I figured I would start my own blog, both as a way of sharing my ups and downs, and as a way of reaching out to educators in the blogosphere, eager to work together to discuss our education system and how we can best serve our students.