Last week was a pretty decent week. This week has taken a turn back to severe frustration. I'm frustrated with with some supervisory duties that were thrust upon me that have taken a large chunk out of my planning/grading time. Not to mention that the quarter is ending in two weeks and I am trying to light a fire under some of these students and have a feeling I am going to be the one that ends up getting burned.
I am frustrated with my students and their attitudes, their lack of manners, their lack of respect, their total apathy, and the belief that real work is beneath them or not important--the belief that I should spoon feed them everything. I really honestly feel like it is this bunch of kids too, because I did not feel this every single day at my last job. Some days, yes, but here it is EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't know how to change attitude and entitlement.
I am frustrated with myself. I don't like how I am teaching and I don't know how to change it. I can't trust my students to do group work, but independent work takes different time for different people. I cannot find a balance between that spoon feeding and that learning--basically the balance one needs to actually TEACH. I can't keep up. I can't do more. I can't encourage or inspire. I am a joke, and I know it.
I am upset, stressed, frustrated. The worst part is I know a simple break would do a world of good, would allow me to catch up on planning and get my mind wrapped around what I want to teach, but that's just not going to happen until Thanksgiving.
I hate feeling ineffective and stupid and weak and useless and pointless. I hate being so disgusted by my students I struggle to see the good in them. I hate feeling this mounting panic and I hate knowing that I just don't have the time to fix it.